Its good to cry.,,and when i did last night,,i didnt onli weep..but literalli cried my hearts out. And suprisingly, i felt calmer.

Suicidal

I feel suicidal tonite.., nauzubilllah. What is wrong with me. Life is getting better for me rite?
Now my big sis is pregnant again. Fuck. Dis news makes me stress. Why isit not me?shes 40 alreadi, stop breeding sia..stop fucking la cb. Give me a chance. Fuck la. I dun giv a damn abt her n the rest of the preggy people ard me.

Back to MY LIFE. its hard to baby making. Supposed tonite i wanna bed dance.. but i guess he is tired.
The thing is, how do i get frequent sex when he is tired frm work. I can be selfish and juz be firm on sex, but i feel a lil guilt in me. Cos he's tired frm work.
And he dont initiate sex unless he realli wants it.. which is like ONCE a week if im lucki, or ONCE in 2 weeks..

If i voice it out, i am seen as the one pointing fingers to him. Like he is the root of the problem (but seems like it).

It hurts me so much that i only get all those carressing and tender love touch WHEN HE WANTS IT.  If he's not having the urge, he'll juz tossed me aside. Like i am a sleeping partner only.
How abt me? How abt my timing??? How abt my wants????

I want to die sumtimes. Isnt it better this way. :'(   :'(   :'(

Dowm

Im feeling veryy down...why is all people ard me getting pregnant again...  when will it be my turn? :(
I want more child...so dat maiyya can become a sister. :((
Im trying very hard not to be sad.i shud be happy for them rite?

Hoping my time will be soon.

So actualli i m 3 days late for my period. Well, nothing unusual for a pcos lady...irregular period. -.-
But, still have to test.. to clear doubt since i am married n i got a husband and sexualli active. Hehe.
But im a lil bit lazi to test actualli...  cos i dun feel anything.

I am actualli waiting for my period cos im starting clomid soon. 
The best of luck to me.

Its a good day today... why? I dunno too. Juz feeling okay. Perhaps its bcos yaya didnt put up an act or tantrums in the morning.

Good luck for the rest of the day, hope its great. :))

Decision to start blogging again.

Its september 2013.
I finalli decide to blog again, abt my life as a stay at home mom. Y? Becos i feel that i need to pen my thoughts n feelig down, and dun wan to bottle up bfore i go crazy. Writing in a diary is hassle for me, so i turn to blogging.
Im juz gonna use this blog, dun wan to create a new one. So ignore the address. HEH.(abby-is-pregnant.blogspot)

Its been these past few days... that i am being challenged as a mom. Having 3 yr old bub is so challenging. Juz wen i tot infant days n terrible 2's r over... 3 yr old is challenging too.. and i guess till they grow old. :(

Anw, blogging on android is fantastic.. so easy peasy.

P/s: im on the way to ttc #2....   hopefulli therez rezki coming our way soon. We want 4 children . :D